This is probably one of those posts that my less endowed brethren should stay away from. It could possibly hurt your pride and turn you off from sex altogether. It’s alot of women out there making due with what you have and loving you anyway. However, you shouldn’t make it harder on her by believing/pretending that you are a well-endowed brotha. Why should she have to lie and pretend? Let’s keep it 100. These are a list things that you shouldn’t do when you aren’t packing bro- 5 Things He Just Isn’t Big Enough For:

1. Talking Big Dick Talk

Don’t be out here claiming you gone do this and you gone do that, knowing your dick is not going to match up. That’s like lying about having a six pack, only to take your shirt off in reveal a keg. Don’t play yourself homie. Stick to romanticism or current events. Stop claiming your going to the lay pipe when you couldn’t plug a leak. Stick to your script.

2. The Surprise Dick Pic

I’m sorry homie, but you gotta have a certain size and/or relationship with a woman to get her going off of a dick pic. Don’t go out her flicking your dick up, if it’s skinny, ashy and short. Why create such incriminating evidence bruh? You gotta know your strengths. Like having a big dick is good for talking shit, #eggplantfridays and punishing(I am the SkirtPunisher). When you’re a bit smaller take advantage of trying to push anal, you gotta leg up in that area lol. You’re the first time anal and practice deepthroat ’em guy.

3. Two Handed Head

Please stop telling her to put two hands around your penis bro. You know damn well you ain’t got enough real estate for that type of sexual development. Just let her do her thang. Take the fact that she wants to pleasure you in stride. Nothing’s more awkward in the bedroom than a request that cant’ be satisfied because of lack thereof, for example, go deeper!


4. Stop Trying to Make Her Ride You All Crazy

Now if you know you’re not the longest and the strongest why do you keep pushing her to ride your shit crazy, knowing damn well you’re going to slip out. Why put yourself through that? Nothing is worse than seeing your hard short self fly clean out of something so pink and  beautiful. Pick a speed, rhythm and range of motion that works for you and stick to it. Only the proud and few can handle a bucking stallion.

Fat_guy_tries_to_dunk_trampoline5. Certain Moves Aren’t for You

Standing up- nope. Flat on the stomach- nah. Riding reverse with her leaning forward- nope. That hard stomach pounding backshots- within reason lol. Don’t embarrass yourself. I’m sure if you’re feeling iffy she’s thinking the exact same thing trying to accommodate you. Stick to your guns and play your strengths. Be the best at missionary you can be, get that motion right, get your endurance up, and please have good head- that can get you far when you’re a bit shorthanded.

Would you ever tell a man he wasn’t very well endowed? Add some other things to the list. Share a funny small guy story.


2 Responses to 5 Things He’s Just Not Big Enough For

  1. Finished says:

    So, (black) cats that haven’t been blessed with size should just get chemically castrated and call it a day, right? There’s really no upside otherwise, because all we’ll ever be is the the story to tell, the ones to be forever laughed at and mocked, the cautionary tale…

  2. Runkle says:

    Yeah, pretty much.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Follow @bgardner