One of my readers wants to get busy with a guy that has been around for two years, but doesn’t know exactly how to. They’ve both been vocal about how they’ve felt, tried once and failed, and neither has since made the first move or really put themselves out there. So she emailed theSUNK for some advice, I gave her something even better, it’s called MackVice:
I came across your blog via “A fat girls blues” fb post & have literally read every post twice…you are good! I was conflicted on reaching out, but as the saying goes, it never hurts to ask.
I met a guy nearly 3 years ago following a terrible breakup. Since meeting, we have really just been distant friends for the most part. I cant count time against him, bc until 1 year ago, I was attached to my ex physically/emotionally, which he didn’t know bc it never came up. Early on we attempted to have sex, but I just couldn’t bc my heart/head wasn’t in the right place & since then, it just hasn’t come up. To be honest, I wasn’t experienced, had only been with my ex & my resistance/ his difficulty penetrating put a bad taste in his mouth. He told me I should maybe practice with dildos and such, so yeah, total fail. Fast forward, a few more inconsistent kick its & I find myself still wanting this man. We are both single, but I don’t know how to approach him. I’ve seen him for the first time in a year (he moved to Ga, im in Al) and we kicked it, started off rough (communication isn’t our strong point) but ended ok. During the visit, he didn’t make a move strong enough for me to respond to. At bedtime, u could have laid a midget sideways btw us, which threw me off. This is the weird part though….I feel like I threw him off when I came to be in yoga pants and a tee. I didn’t realize until the next morning that he was practically naked….so I think I threw him off. All this to say…I want this man, I just don’t know how to get him or how to figure out if he wants me.
I know one of the things that bothers him about me is my insecurities….im a fluffy girl, which he favors, but he likes the bold kind, which im not. So, how can I or should I even approach this man? We have in the past admitted to really liking each other, but neither one of us acted on it. I don’t know why we both continue to contact each other, him more so than me, but he is not saying anything& neither am I??? From a male perspective, what do I do? Idk if age is important, but Im 28 & this started basically 2.5 years ago….
To start thanks for the compliment, Gee. I’m glad you like theSUNK that always motivates me to write more. It’s not easy staying consistent and continuously attempting to drop content that you guy’s like and enjoy. But for your question I think it’s rather easy to answer.
So, how can I or should I even approach this man?
Don’t let a failed first attempt detour you. Just f^ck this guy already, you want it and he wants. Sex can sometimes be awkward but that’s what makes it special. If the sex is wack try harder next time. Still wack after that, have a discussion about what you all can do better. 2.5 years is too long to be going back and forth over sex, when you should really be in the bedroom tossing that ass back. I don”t mean to be crude. But you’ve felt him out long enough and it’s obvious you like him. And you’re 28, by now you should be comfortable in your own skin. If not you should at least be doing things that are adventurous enough to make you comfortable in your own skin.
The funny thing is you also say, “I want this man, I just don”t know how to get him or how to figure out if he wants me.” When later on you also say, “We have in the past admitted to really liking each other, but neither one of us acted on it.”
You already know he wants you. You don’t even have to put yourself all the way out there. Make a move. Send him a “I Want You” text. Come to the bed naked next time. Kiss him. DO SOMETHING. Just stop over-thinking and get you some pipe, please! It never hurts to go for what you want! #seewhatIdidthere
Gee thanks for the email, I know I responded late, but tell us how it goes.