You’re sitting at home hornier than a felon on a 25-year stint. Walking around your house bucket ball naked, thinking of the d!ck that isn’t there or was there. You go through your phone and there isn’t any d!ck worth texting. What’s next? Look for a toy. What if you don’t own a toy? Look for a replacement. Here are 5 Everyday Household Items To Get Off With:
I remember talking to a young lady who used the handle of her thickest hair brush to bring herself to orgasm. She would be on the other end of the phone going crazy sliding the handle of that brush in and out of herself. I would’ve never imagined a hair brush being useful for anything other than styling hair, but apparently I was wrong.
Ya’ll ladies take channel surfing to whole nutha level, no pun intended. Comcast is obviously in the wrong business, because I hear more about women using their remotes for masturbating than watching TV. I guess that’s why those buttons are always so damn sticky when I come over.
Fruits, Veggies, and Other Food
Cucumbers. Bananas. Sausage? Some of ya’ll love that produce aisle. So many ideas pop in your head when you pick up that cucumber for your weekly salad. Sometimes you have more plans for your fruits and veggies before you actually eat them. Hopefully, you rinse them off thoroughly when you use ’em for what they were actually meant for.
Bottles, Bottles, Bottles!
Spritz Hair bottles. Long neck beer bottles. Hennessy bottles. Shampoo bottles. You tried it. But did you like it?
Removable Shower Head
The creme de la creme of household items turned sex toys is the shower head. Wives, mothers, daughters, aunts, cousins- all of you alike take those long hot showers; while the rest of the family is wondering what the hell could be taking you so long. Well, you’re doing more than shampooing and conditioning your hair. You’ve taken that shower head on a different trip, getting that fresh nut to start your day off right. I’m not mad at you, I just wanted you to know I knew.
Electric ToothBrush (Honorable Mention)