You’re sitting at home hornier than a felon on a 25-year stint. Walking around your house bucket ball naked, thinking of the d!ck that isn’t there or was there. You go through your phone and there isn’t any d!ck worth texting. What’s next? Look for a toy. What if you don’t own a toy? Look for a replacement. Here are 5 Everyday Household Items To Get Off With:

I remember talking to a young lady who used the handle of her thickest hair brush to bring herself to orgasm. She would be on the other end of the phone going crazy sliding the handle of that brush in and out of herself. I would’ve never imagined a hair brush being useful for anything other than styling hair, but apparently I was wrong.

Remote Control
Ya’ll ladies take channel surfing to whole nutha level, no pun intended. Comcast is obviously in the wrong business, because I hear more about women using their remotes for masturbating than watching TV. I guess that’s why those buttons are always so damn sticky when I come over.

Fruits, Veggies, and Other Food
Cucumbers. Bananas. Sausage? Some of ya’ll love that produce aisle. So many ideas pop in your head when you pick up that cucumber for your weekly salad. Sometimes you have more plans for your fruits and veggies before you actually eat them. Hopefully, you rinse them off thoroughly when you use ’em for what they were actually meant for.

Bottles, Bottles, Bottles!
Spritz Hair bottles. Long neck beer bottles. Hennessy bottles. Shampoo bottles. You tried it. But did you like it?

Removable Shower Head
The creme de la creme of household items turned sex toys is the shower head. Wives, mothers, daughters, aunts, cousins- all of you alike take those long hot showers; while the rest of the family is wondering what the hell could be taking you so long. Well, you’re doing more than shampooing and conditioning your hair. You’ve taken that shower head on a different trip, getting that fresh nut to start your day off right. I’m not mad at you, I just wanted you to know I knew.

Electric ToothBrush (Honorable Mention)
You’re filthy.

Have you ever used an ordinary item to get you off at home? Has there ever been a household item that got that Big O better than your sex toy? What’s the weirdest sexual thing you’ve done at home by yourself?

36 Responses to 5 Everyday Household Items That Can Make You Scream

  1. Anonymous says:

    I’ve used my shower-head before but it wasn’t as good as my vibrator.

  2. @Anon7/16 At least you killed two birds with one stone…You came and you cleaned.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I have used the handle of my lint roller but I would suggest staying away from the food. A girl at my high school got hot dogs stuck…twice lol.

  4. @Anon7/18 Damn she turned that “hot” dog into a “not” dog. I love when women add new things to the list

  5. Anonymous says:

    lol i used a one of those electric manicure machines that the use in the nail salons but with the nail file attachment off.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I second to the lint roller.. best orgasms ever!

  7. Ya’ll and these lint rollers are something else. Lol

  8. tawnydelux says:

    never tried the lint roller….hmmmmmmm

  9. Anonymous says:

    In the hot tub with the water jets. Amazing.

  10. Anonymous says:

    um all these are pretty rezenable except for the food and the girl on the tv WTF!!

  11. @Anon1/18 Well the picture just fit the blog. I don’t think she’s doing anything to the television though

  12. Vanessa says:

    😀 I like to lay on my back in the tub, and let the water run forcefully on my clit while i twist my nipples….its a real feeling hen you come, and each time i do i bit my lip hard because it is so intense. I often fantasize about my lover watching em get off then fucking me afterwords….

  13. @Vanessa That’s some sexy shit.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I used one of those rubber band watch things it came in. It’s good cause I can put it in my bathroom drawer and call it a ‘bath toy’. Bein a kid sucks sometimes so I improvise with what I find. A hand held mirror handle is good too.

  15. When feeling hot, a popsicle takes care of my fever when my man is traveling.

  16. A candle… available in all widths and lengths 😉

  17. jassyboo says:

    I sometimes use lint rollers too :] But i just prefer my boyfriends dick..6 orgasm’s in one night ;]

  18. Morgan says:

    Lightsabers are great

  19. ThatChick says:

    Maglite, the regular sized one & in a pinch the pocket mini.

  20. anonymous says:

    I love the plastic handle of the venus razors while in the shower are great. They’re curvy! I rub my clit and put them inside me. ohhhh so great!

    • Love_at_first_sight says:

      I love that too! I usually use a razor because it curves but thin shampoo bottles are great!

  21. ellen says:

    I have this glahlight that doesnt work anymore. its little, but i can stick the whole thing up my anus. feels SOO good. its also round and has this little bulb that stick out. thats what makes it feel good. stick that in my anus and rub my fingers fast against my nut, when i need to take heavier breaths, just go faster. (with rubbing my nut and the flashlight up and down.) then i cum ALOT. when i have the cum on the flashlight, slide it up and down that little passageway under my nut. i cum even more. made me have 17 orgasms in 1 night.

  22. Mimi says:

    I’ve used a toilet tissue holder and it usually gets the job done or beer bottle

  23. getherpussy says:

    If your like me and your parents don’t know, use one of those bumpy toothbrushes and an electric tothbruss when you are in the shower or home alone. Also you can get a dog that likes peanutbutter and rub it all over your pussy…. They just lick away and your sittin there squirming.

  24. Kate says:

    I like using my mascara to fuck myself with. Clean it off before and after of course.

  25. vanessa says:

    I have a tip: lay flat on ur back and put a sharpie in ur p***y all the way in. Then pull it out and in like a dick while rubbing your clit vigorously. U get an AMAZING orgasm!!
    oh and for girls who cant seem to get wet: take a small flashlight and take the batteries out. This will sound weird: give the flashlight a blowjob. you’ll be dripping in no time!

  26. ANON says:

    Hairbrush was ugh . UNBELIEVEABLE . I am dripping wet right now

  27. abi masterbator says:

    I’ve used a toothbrush with a suction cup on it and it felt sooooooo goooood

  28. LOVER says:

    omg if you have an adjustable shower to where you can control the strength of how strong the water shoots out.. start of slow then go harder till the max makes u drippy wet.

  29. Some Gay Guy says:

    Dang! You girls are very kinky… I mean tbh I’m gay but I wouldnt do a flashlight… Like cmon if I did this stuff and my parents found out I would be kicked out on the curb.

  30. roger says:

    my husband makes a lot of out out of country trips ,since i an very horney i ca not wait until he is back i used to hold until ,but i noticed my my tenants 18 year boy oogling me., once a while ,called him in and enjoyed his fat and growing dick ,he loves it and me too

  31. Lisa says:

    A Turkey Baster works for me XD

  32. says:

    i havnt come across anyone using knitting stick.well it has given me thousands of orgasms…i love clit stimulation orgasm rather then here is how its done..first i lube my clit with salive.i sit on the edge of the bed so that my feet are straight n i put the flat part of the knitting stick just above my clit..when the labia holds the stick in position use ur palms and rotate the stick like u r making a sure to position the stick almost vertical…n see the stimulation ut creates…u wont be disapointed i promise.

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