You guys are finally utilizing my email, which is theSUNK@ymail.com and my Tumblr for MackVice, guest post ideas, random conversation, and other things *hint hint*. So a very loyal reader wanted my MackVice on a situation between her and her longtime boyfriend. Her story goes a little something like this:
So here’s the thing, I cheated on my BF back around this time in 2010 yes I know this is a while ago. I cheated on him with a girl, I didn’t come clean about telling him, he found out by going through my phone. He cheated on me while I was pregnant and I forgave him. I didn’t cheat on him because I was trying to get back, honestly it’s because I’ve always wanted to experiment with a girl and when the opportunity arose I took charge. When I say I took charge I mean we planned it. It was a mutual friend of me and my cousin, and you know, we were smoking and one thing led to another and we were in the bed room touching and feeling on each other … Lol (Blushes because I feel a little embarrassed) so anyway she went down on me and I DIDN’T enjoy it, I went down on her and she was going crazy… I was satisfied because she came, I was disappointed because she was talking about how good her head game was, to come and find out that it really wasn’t. Anyway maybe that same night I began to feel guilty and horrible. I wanted to tell him but I didn’t know how. The girl (or should I say woman she was way older than me) kept calling and texting telling me she had a great time, she would always ask if that was my first encounter and I would always tell her yes. (i guess she really enjoyed herself) When she asked me if I liked it I said yes but honestly she turned me off from ever wanting to do it again. I believe because of this he still doesn’t trust me, he says he does but his eyes tell me another thing. I love him and we are still working on bettering our relationship, but my question to you is. Do you think that he is completely turned off by the encounter with me and the woman? Do you think it might’ve hurt his manhood because it was with a chick and not a guy? And that she was older than him? She definitely had a body on her that would make you cry so…. Do you think that might’ve hurt him too? It’s weird because he knew for a week and still had sex with me the day he found out.. I never knew what to think of that…. Hmmmmm could he ever recover? Is our relationship worth saving? It’s a year later and I’m def in love with him and he is def more than in love with me. We have grown from it and moved past it but those questions remain in head. So let me know what you think..
First and foremost, in cheating there really isn’t a time limitation on the things you’ve done in your past. It’s like murder, charges can be brought up at any time. However, if you and your partner discuss said actions and come to some sort of agreeance than there shouldn’t be any double-jeopardy(when someone holds a mistake over your head, even though they said it was all good) on that matter.
I don’t believe he is turned off by the fact that it was with a woman. I would assume he is hurt or upset, because you lied about it and tried to hide it. Most men in my opinion would rather you cheat on them with a woman and not a man. Also most men that I know would join in and help both of you ladies out. *wink wink*
After becoming aware of your infidelity you say, “he knew for a week and still had sex with me the day he found out”- a)he probably wasn’t as traumatized by the experience as you believe he was, b)the thought of you being with a woman though you lied could have turned him on, and c)you probably were extra sweet and sexy that night because you felt bad and seduced him. I really believe he may be using the guilt trip as a way to hang something or anything over your head- just so he can play the Guilt Card when you bring up his past infidelity.
Is there really anything to recover from? You guys sound like you have a pretty solid relationship to me, besides the regular bullsh!t that happens between couples. The fact that both of you are young and you were in an exploration period makes me believe this instance is even less of a “biggie”. Continue to love him and let him love you, don’t let something this small interrupt true candid romance.
If you still think it lingers in his head, just ask…or
better yet give him a threesome with that chick with the onion booty …Maybe that might not be the best idea, but just follow your heart and always keep the lines of communication open and clear. Thanks for your letter.